1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
-Patrick, age 10
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?", don't answer him.
3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
4. Stay away from prunes.
5. Never pee on an electric fence.
6. Don't squat with yoru spurs on.
7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
9. Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers.
10. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
11. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
12. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
13. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
14. Never try to baptize a cat.